My Side Of The Bed

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“When you don’t know how to live without, you stay trapped within.” -kmd

I recently dated a man off and on for 3 years. Fumbling around after a terrible relationship, I was binge drinking and on the rebound when he found me. He lulled me into his life one guitar riff at a time. This gentle guitar player man had the long chestnut hair I craved. I loved his sense of humor, but he could also be a bit critical. We got along as best friends do, but I had this sneaking suspicion that he didn’t really respect me.

We spent all of our free time together. I started to feel trapped in the convenience of it all. His new job and playing in two local bands put a strain on our relationship. My meditation and spirituality were hard for him to grasp being a self-proclaimed atheist. The time we spent together became draining and I began to wonder if I was just with him because I hadn’t made any other friends in our small town. I thought, That’s not okay.

After a stupid fight, he broke up with me. It was a long time coming.

This time it was different than any other time before. When he ended it, I was relieved. I was ready for some alone time. However, at first, the break-up was uncomfortable. You get used to a person and their energy, and when it’s gone, there’s a void. Normally, I would try and fill this void with activity, bar hopping, binge drinking and men. This time though, I didn’t feel the urge to do any of those things. In fact, I found that I could take up the whole bed! I could make my own dinner at home. I could spend less money. I could grow my small business. I looked forward to staying home on a Saturday night instead of going out. I started meditating, reading, and dancing more. Yes, dancing! With each new day, that void just started getting smaller and smaller until I was comfortable in my new life.

Being single can be hard at first, but being in a mediocre relationship or marriage out of fear of being alone is worse. Don’t settle. Embrace the time you have with yourself. There is a strength and beauty that comes with independence. Cherish it.

nikolesignature

3 thoughts on “My Side Of The Bed

  1. Amanda says:

    Such a lovely article!!! I too went through the same cycle with my ex and totally understand the finding your own energy. Becoming your own person as an adult is the first huge leap into happiness and comfort with in ones own skin. I couldn’t be happier alone in my own zone.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nikole says:

      Thank you Amanda! This one was pretty easy to write just like being alone becomes easier as time goes by! Thanks again for reading! That makes me so happy!

      Like

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