“When you don’t know how to live without, you stay trapped within.” -kmd
I recently dated a man off and on for 3 years. Fumbling around after a terrible relationship, I was binge drinking and on the rebound when he found me. He lulled me into his life one guitar riff at a time. This gentle guitar player man had the long chestnut hair I craved. I loved his sense of humor, but he could also be a bit critical of others. We got along as best friends do, but I had the suspicion that he didn’t really love me.
We spent all of our free time together. I started to feel trapped in the convenience of it all. His new job and playing in two local bands put a strain on our relationship. My meditation and spirituality were hard for him to grasp being a self-proclaimed atheist. The time we spent together became draining and I began to wonder if I was just with him because I hadn’t made any other friends in our small town. I thought, That’s not okay.
After a stupid fight, he broke up with me. It was a long time coming.
This time it was different than any other time before. When he ended it, I was relieved. I was ready for some alone time. However, at first, the break-up was uncomfortable. You get used to a person and their energy, and when it’s gone, there’s a void. Normally, I would try and fill this void with activity, bar hopping, binge drinking and men. This time though, I didn’t feel the urge to do any of those things. In fact, I found that I could take up the whole bed! I could make my own dinner at home. I could spend less money. I could grow my small business. I looked forward to staying home on a Saturday night instead of going out. I started meditating, reading, and dancing more. Yes, dancing! With each new day, that void just started getting smaller and smaller until I was comfortable in my new life.
Being single can be hard at first, but being in a mediocre relationship or marriage out of fear of being alone is worse. Don’t settle. Embrace the time you have with yourself. There is a strength and beauty that comes with independence. Cherish it and take up the whole damn bed.