Am I the only person on earth who is not impressed with the “Twilight” series?
Now don’t get me wrong. I love a good vampire love story. One of my favorite novels is Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Stoker never tries to tame Dracula or his evil ways. He never tries to hide his vicious side from the reader. Can you picture him borrowing notes from someone before gym class? “I vant to borrow your chemistry notes. Bwaahahaha!”
I read “Twilight” forgetting that this was written for a tween audience. My bad. So in her defense, I don’t think Meyers was at liberty to be as dark as, say, someone like Anne Rice. Therefore, my disappointment in Edward and his “vampire” family being un-vampire-ish is really something I’ll just have to get over. I guess I wanted something different and original.
“Twilight” is the classic formulaic story about the good girl who loves the unattainable bad boy–only this bad boy happens to be a vampire (and not a very scary vampire). So why did this book do it for so many people? Well, what person hasn’t had a crush on someone they can’t have? Stephanie Meyers is no Stoker, but she and her team are marketing geniuses–“Hot Topic” rejoice!
I’m saddened that this book is marketed to teens–teen girls in particular. I don’t know, maybe I’ve been reading too much “He’s Just Not That Into You” lately? But when a guy (vampire or not) tells you that he can’t be with you (even though you think he’s saying that to save you from any pain), maybe he really can’t be with you. And Bella is the exception, because most of the time guys don’t give you the “I can’t” explanation, they just disappear into the mist with a faint “I’ll call you”, much like, well . . . Dracula. There’s some vampire psychology for you.
Anyway, here are some great vampire movies and books:
- Book: “Interview With the Vampire” by Anne Rice: You want amazing vampire writing? She’s got it down.
- Movie: Bram Stoker’s Dracula(1992): This is actually one of my favorite movies. I love the cast (Keanu Reeves, Winona Ryder, Gary Oldman, Anthony Hopkins as Van Helsing). The costumes are spectacular and they really try to keep to the epistolary format with the letter reading scenes.
- Movie: Van Helsing(2004): The special effects are pretty sweet. I like how the movie incorporates werewolves and Frankenstein. Fun. The costumes are awesome. Kate Beckinsale’s hair is always perfect! And. Well. Eh-hum. Hugh Jackman. Niccce.
- Movie: Underworld(2003) and Underworld: Evolution(2006): Underworld(2003) is key in understanding Underworld: Evolution(2006), plus the costumes are cool and the theories, like blood memories, are pretty original. Underworld: Evolution(2006) is special-effect-tacular (especially the scene with the helicopter). These are excellent renters. They aren’t scary. I promise. Think action movie with vampires and werewolves(Lichen) kicking each others asses with silver nitrate and UV bullets. Flippin sweet.
- Movie: 30 Days of Night(2007): The vampires in this movie scared the shit out of me. Plus, the contrast of blood on the Alaskan snow–let’s just say it left an impression. Leave the lights on if you rent it.
What about vampires in real life? Their called narcissists and/or energy suckers/vampires. Unless you are living in a cave, you’re gonna encounter them sometimes. I wrote all about how to deal with them in an entry called, “How to Love A Narcissist“.
Hint: Self-love to a narcissist is like garlic to a vampire. Get some.